Richard Craver

Thoughts, Musings And The Occasional Rant

It Could Be Heavenly

Written By: richardwcraver - Aug• 12•12

The second weekend in August is the time the Craver and Faw families have their annual reunions. They used to be separate weekends, but the Craver family got spread between North Carolina, California and Pennsylvania in the late 1950′s and 1960′s, and into Ohio in the 1990′s. So somewhere along the line the Cravers began having their reunion on the second Saturday evening in August and the Faws on the next day at lunch. It just seemed practical, and the Cravers are practical folks. It mostly works well.So this morning I am up at 5:00 AM cutting a pack of bacon in two and frying it on the George Foreman grill before putting it into a baked bean dish. It is an exercise in restraint as I remove the short, five inch strips of bacon to the paper towel lined plate to drain, well… to not just pop them in my mouth on the spot. Anyone that has followed any of my jabber on Facebook knows that I regard bacon as ‘meat candy’, it’s delicious. I’ve had cheap bacon, greasy bacon and burnt bacon; but I’ve never had bad bacon. The only bad bacon is that which sits in the fridge so long it changes colors. That doesn’t happen around here, so I maintain I’ve still not had bad bacon.

As I’m looking at the pile of short bacon strips piling up to drain their fatty goodness, the thought occurs to me that they would be good in a grilled bacon and cheese sandwich, or a grilled bacon and pimento cheese sandwich. Why, it could be heavenly! ? ? ? As I stood there pondering those thoughts, a discussion from the previous evening’s reunion came back to mind. The Cravers by and large have been members of a particular church denomination that has had deep roots in this area for centuries. I however was one of those that asked questions and wanted to know deeper of God’s Word and would not be content to obediently listen to the weekly discourses without question. I knew in my heart that something was incomplete. That changed in August of 1983 when I went with a friend to a summer revival and found what ‘it’ was in John 3. In fact verse 1 – 21 is what Christ’s ministry is all about. I had been like Nicodemus, following the rituals of my people, but never was told or understood that I had to be born again. That is the failure of ‘religion’.

That sounds like a rabbit trail I just took you down, but it’s germane to the where I’m heading. Talk came around to, ‘Where is Pastor So and So at now?’, ‘Preacher WhatsHisFace is at thus and so church now.’ and the like. Then I called a name, “So whatever happened to Mr Noodle Noggin, the one that was teaching that there are many ways to heaven?” “He’s still there.”

Mr Noodle Noggin created quite a stir in the local community and newspapers a few years ago when it came out that he believed that there are many viable ways to God. So … You like Buddha? That works. Into Taoism? That’s good with me. Muhammad? Well brother, just keep it peaceful please.

Mr Noodle Noggin is still the pastor of a christian church, but doesn’t believe that Christ is the only way to heaven. That’s like Mike Tomlin, coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers standing on the sidelines wearing a cheese-head. That’s like asking Bill Clinton to speak at a Promise Keepers rally. Or like Gloria Steinem presiding over a Pro-Life conference. It don’t make any sense at all!

I suppose I am just simple minded enough to believe what the Bible has to say, not what Mr Noodle Noggin has to say. I can read in John 14 where Christ says, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me….”. Some will say, ‘well Jesus only said that once’; to which I ask, He’s the Son of God, how many times does he have to say it before you’ll believe it?

But in the spirit of Unity, and Why Can’t We All Just Get Along? I’d like to propose the grilled bacon and cheese sandwich as a way to heaven. A couple of those babies fried in butter, browned just a little bit on both sides, with a flow of cheese oozing out the side like a lava flow of dairy perfection, why it would be like heaven in your mouth!


Heaven ‘tween slabs of bread

But that is just the bacon and cheese for the common people. For the more educated Bacolonians there would be the aforementioned bacon and pimento cheese. The true intelligentsia among Bacolonians would dine on delicacies crafted with Prosciutto and Bries that the uneducated commoner can not be trusted to fully comprehend on their own. We’ll use renaissance Italian as the language of the Bacolonians to keep the simple minded worshipers of bacon from knowing the whole truth, just as Latin has been used by another group to keep the common in lockstep for centuries. There are many more details to work out, such as holy places.  Smithfield North Carolina quickly comes to mind, but it is unimportant; bacon is hereby recognized as a viable means to attain to heaven.

If you are still reading this you are probably thinking, ‘For Pete’s sake, step away from the computer and go drink some coffee to wake you up, you’re dreaming! Bacon can’t get you to heaven!’ You are absolutely correct, what was I thinking? Bacon isn’t even a naturally occurring pork product, we’ll have to create our new religion based on ribs offered over fire!

No … as good as bacon is, it cannot make you a place in heaven. This whole bacolonian scheme is just an illustration of how absurd mankind can be in their attempts to push God and Christ Jesus from their consciousness and to try to create their own ‘gods ‘. There is also an analogy that within the heart of all mankind is a God shaped spot, a void longing to be filled. Only Christ Jesus; fully God, fully Man can fill that God shaped spot. Man’s religions have fashioned many substitutes, many forgeries, many lies to try to convince others that they are the way. Humans were made to worship, to worship God. Some try to worship other things and people. Some worship pleasure, money, sex, some alcohol and drugs; and yes food, trying to fill that God shaped spot. And while they may bring pleasure and ease for a time, none can satisfy. None other can give peace or a hope for eternity.

So what are you worshiping today? Bacon and cheese?

Think about it, you know better.

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